Strange Dichotomy

This morning, on my way to take my final Histology exam (Ever! Thank you, Jesus!), I was listening to my favorite morning radio show (radio morning show? I don't know...), which follows the usual method of bringing up interesting/inane/ridiculous topics of conversation and asking people to call in about them. Like: "What's the craziest thing your teenager's ever done?" or "What do you think about giving little kids their own cell phones?" Usually they manage to have pretty interesting discussions while snarking about everyone and everything under the sun. So, naturally, I like it.

Well, this morning, they were talking about high school graduation and how the respect factor has left ceremonial shows like it. At this point, they were saying that some parents are just downright obnoxious about their kids' graduations. You know the type, the ones who bring air horns and silly string to utilize the instant Junior walks across the stage, or who paint big, glittery signs that say "WE LOVE YOU, BABY GIRL, WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU FOR GRADUATING FROM FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL!". (Which, I'm not deriding high school graduation. It's a proud time for everyone. But there are ways to celebrate and then there are ways to celebrate. Painting your hairy, middle-aged chest in the likeness of a school logo is not one of them. Save it for homecoming, Dad.)

ANYWAY! So they're talking about how their own generation (it's a classic rock station, so it's not like these people are college kids or anything) has lost the ability to regulate themselves or whatever. They brought up fights at Little League games, insane soccer moms, etc. Basically, middle-aged people are rotten. And old. They have no redeeming qualities unless they're radio deejays.

Well, then, all of a sudden, they segued into how terrible "kids" (meaning teenagers, mostly) are today, how they have no respect for their elders, etc. etc. etc.

Hm, where do you think the kids learned it? From that harbinger of evil, MTV? From those terrible people in showbiz today? Sure, maybe. But who are those people? The great majority of pop culture icons are not in the same generation as the greatest portion of their fans. The great majority of producers are not teenagers, I hope. So my generation and those behind me are basically being fed devil smut by the older generations. Sure, at some point, we have to take responsibility for our own actions, but if we're already put at a disadvantage by the way we were raised, isn't it that much more difficult for us to turn into saints (and no, I'm not talking about myself here. I am practically a saint, so I don't want you thinking things about my mama and daddy...THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE!)?!?!

But the real clincher is that I don't think it's necessarily the fault of "bad" parenting or the fault of "our immoral society" or even the fault of "those darn kids"! It's really evolution's fault. Or God's fault, depending on which biologically developmental view you are currently embracing. (PS: If you're Catholic, like some of us are blessed enough to be, you can believe that it's both evolution AND God's fault...Good ol' JPII said so himself.)

WARNING: RATHER RIDICULOUS EVOLUTIONARY CONCEPT DISCUSSED BELOW!! DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE A NATURALLY SERIOUS PERSON!!

I think the problem is, that at one time, in our primordial past, parents had to make sure their children obeyed implicitly, in order to promote sheer survival. I mean, if Sally Mae asks every time why she has to come in when the vampires are roaming the hillside, Sally Mae's parents' genes are gonna die out pretty quickly. (Because, obviously, Sally Mae's gonna get bitten, and vampires don't have children, didn't you know?) So it was in the best interests of the gene pool to foster traits that enforced discipline and rules. Much like in the animal kingdom. I mean, there aren't many baby kittens wandering far from their mothers, right? Because if they do, they're probably going to Baby Kitten Heaven pretty fast.

However, at some point, the needs of the gene pool changed. Strict and ultimate discipline wasn't necessary for survival any more, and in fact, the traits of more lenient parents were (because those parents were just more likely to let their onry teenager live after sneaking in 2 hours past curfew, therefore leading to the propagation of those genes...see how that works? You now know more than they do in Kansas!).

And parents can't really help that they're so freaking excited about their kids growing up! I mean, what sort of evolutionary advantage does it give you to have your kids stay at home all their lives? Maybe in ye olden days, when people were liable to die a lot sooner, they didn't need any encouragement to get out there and start havin' babies. Evolutionary drive does a lot for libido. But nowadays, people can have kids till they're practically going straight from the nursing home to L&D! There's not really that urge to start playing the Barry White records at 18 any more (I mean, don't get me wrong, plenty of people still do that...right?...I wouldn't know. I'm just saying, the overall drive is different. Whatever. Shut up.) So people are complacent to hang out at home. And mom and dad are starting to evolve to where they want you out of the house so you can go propagate the species. So they make a big deal about all the big "life events" you're experiencing as a kid. I mean, come on, they have a graduation for kindergarten now. Parents even got the teachers in on the "let's encourage them to grow up and leave home" Master Plan.

My point is, next time you see a kid with his pants hanging down to there or a mom beating another parent to a bloody pulp with her giant foam finger...don't roll your eyes and blame society. It's really not our fault. It's God's.

Or biology's. Depends on whether you're from Kansas. Or whether you're Catholic...