Someone's Been Making Up Too Many Answers...

The other day, E and I were playing in the living room. He was getting frustrated at his inability to take the lid off of a small barrel (it was rather difficult, he has small hands and chubby fingers) so tossed it aside.

A few minutes later, when we were picking up his toys, I removed the lid from the barrel to put some very small pieces inside for safe-keeping.

E watched me in awe, before saying, "Mom, how'd you do that?"

And then, before I could muster an answer that didn't involve "because I'm bigger than you", he supplied one for me:

"Oh, magic."

Bad Influences

Tomorrow, my parents are taking E to the fair. Unfortunately, the rides don't open until 11 AM, and E's pre-K starts at 12:30 PM...which means about an hour of ride time, all told. However, I was planning on taking him in the afternoon/early evening, after my Pharmacology test at 9 AM.

But they asked if he could skip school. To go to the fair.

Something seems wrong in this picture...

It's Not BRAIN surgery!!

Earlier today, E and I were in the grocery store, attempting to decide which type of applesauce we were going to purchase. Naturally, I was pushing for the generic brand, and E was excited about Mott's, since he recognized it from Nanay's house...Anyway, eventually I gave in and reached for the Mott's, only to realize that the Non-Sugar "Organic" type was right below it. I switched packages, forgetting that my child is not blind. He immediately gave cry to his indignant feelings of betrayal, and I had to persuade him that, yes, indeed, he did want the green package, because it had strawberry applesauce in it, while the other package just had regular, old boring applesauce. He, after all, is not the least bit interested about where his applesauce comes from, only what color it is.

Well, in the end, it worked and he accepted the exchange.

We moseyed on down the aisle, and E said "I wanted the strawberry one because I like strawberry." [See how I do that? I convince him it was his idea all along. Because I'm just that good.]
I replied: "I know, and you know how I know? Because I'm a mom, and moms know everything." [I'm also trying to convince him that I have eyes in the back of my head...]
E: "Nuh UH! I know everything!"
Me: "Nope, just moms know everything."
E: "Well, MOM, you gotta share your brain!!"

Damn You, Dr. Seuss (with apologies, love and respect)

One of E's favorite books a couple of years ago was Dr. Seuss's "Happy Birthday to You!" I'm sure it was partly because of the rhythmic nature of his works, and partly because the man was so wordy that it took him 60 pages to tell "The Cat In the Hat". [I know, not exactly complicated subject matter, you wouldn't think it would take that long, right?] And after all, the longer the book, the farther away bedtime is.

Anyway, reading "HBtY!" every night was fine with me for a while, as I've always thought that Dr. Seuss wrote his books to appeal to both children and their parents. I find his whimsical stories and made-up words endearing and they definitely make for some funny tongue-twisting. Plus, "HBtY!" was my favorite Dr. S. book when I was a kid, so it was nice to pass the love on, as it were. And most importantly, before I managed to get too tired of it, E switched his allegiance to a different book.

Well, he hadn't really rediscovered it until recently. You see, once he gets off an addiction kick, he's done with that thing for a loooong time (happens with movies, books, toys, food, people, you name it).

But tonight we read it together. And I realized that book has a lot more pitfalls in it than I ever expected.

You see, E's at the "But what does it mean?" stage right now. Everything has to have a definition, from pictures to facial expressions to colors to words.

I hit the first snag at the memorable line(s), "If you'd never been born, well then what would you be...Why, you might be a WASN'T!"

Interruption #1: "Mom, what's a 'wasn't'?"
"Um, it means you're nothing."
"How can you be nothing?"
"Just listen to the story, honey." [That's right, I said it. You try explaining it...]

My next notable hang-up came at "If you'd never been born, then you might be an ISN'T! An isn't has no fun at all. No he disn't."

Interruption #218: "Mom, what's 'disn't'?"
"It means 'doesn't'." [He let that one pass. I don't know how.]

We managed to get by "Klopfers" and "Pal-alace" without difficulty.

But THEN we got to the part where the birthday band is coming by, with their Drummers and Strummers and Zummers and Plumbers...

Interruption #578: "Mom, what instrument is that?"
And he pointed to a contraption of bongos and maracas and harp strings and pipes that shared only a remote resemblance to its more mundane instrumental relatives...

And I gave up:
"I have no idea."

Apparently, good ol' Theodor should have included a freaking labeled guide and dictionary to his books, because they are NOT "easy reading" for this mom and her very confused little boy.

To Cave or Not To Cave

E's OGs (Other Grandparents) brought him back from his Daddy Z's today. Unfortunately, it was after 9 PM by the time we met up, and E had already been asleep for an hour or so by that time.

Which meant that by the time I got him home at 9:45, read him a story, rubbed his back, gave him a face massage and sang him a song (yes, this is the normal routine...he's high maintenance, what can I say?), he was wide awake.

So for a couple of hours, I was in and out of his room every 15 minutes or so, reassuring him that he would eventually fall asleep, encouraging him to turn his light on and "read" for awhile, refusing to let him have something to eat.

That would have been, if not fine, at least tolerable, except for the fact that test block starts in a week, and I was trying to study. So it was neither fine nor tolerable, but extremely frustrating. You can imagine how difficult it is to concentrate on memorizing the billion different types of cancer when your study groove is broken every 15 minutes by a little voice saying (or screaming) "Mommy, I can't sleep!"

So I finally gave in and did the unthinkable.

Right now, he's lying tucked up on the living room couch in the dark, watching Toy Story, on the condition that if he gets up or makes any noise, back to the Unsleepable-In Bed he goes. And I'm happily engaged in reading about neoplasia.

I can't decide if I'm a really bad disciplinarian or a genius.