Hope

You stood in the aisle
And I will always see you there
Your heart pouring from an open gaze
As I struggled to give you the only gift I could
What comfort can anyone mortal offer
For the loss of a child
I wouldn't even let myself weep
My emotions so unworthy
Guilty, aware that my two
One, tall and the light that had led my life
One, small and so long-awaited
Both safe
How could I even look you in the eye
How could I share loss in human words,
Phrases of hope and resurrection and love
When your son is gone

Yet, you stood there,
So alone, so fragile
I wonder how you could bear to keep breathing,
keep your heart beating
under such assault
And I did it for you
The song you asked for
My heart, my sorrow wrapped inside
It ached as I pulled it forth
As you stood there in the aisle
Gazing at me with such desperation
Too much loss for any hope of relief
And finally, finally, I let myself see you
Under cover of a melody
And someone else's words
I said everything I could
I felt your soul grasping
I felt your hand in mine
And I gave you everything I had

Later, when the comfort of ritual was over,
And uncharted life still left to be lived
How could you be so brave:
You asked if you could hold her,
my survivor's guilt,
my own sweet babe
I laid her in a mother's empty arms
You smiled at her with no trace of fear
And I found she could give more than I ever could
Such a small bandage to cover such a wound