Something Right

I limit E's exposure to the news: he's not allowed to watch the news on TV, and I don't leave popular magazines or newspapers around where he can read them. (On the other hand, he has more exposure than he would like to medical journals...) I listen to NPR in the car with him, but change the station if they start talking about death counts or other violent things. This may be over protective of me in one way, but in another it also keeps him from being overwhelmed by the negativity that

dominates so much of world news. It also lets me discuss select events in a one-on-one manner with him, to assess his feelings and thoughts, and guide him toward his own understanding. Yesterday, while standing in line at the grocery store, he happened to catch sight of a headline about the Colorado shooting. He commented that a friend of his had told him about it. I had him tell me what he knew about it, and then carefully explained a little bit more (that's another parenting strategy: don't discuss more than he wants to learn). And when I was done, he looked thoughtful and said "I feel sorry for that man. I feel worse for all the people who died, of course, but I still feel sorry for him." That's a level of compassion that is so rare in today's society. I had just been telling my husband how disappointed I was by someone on the radio who had said the shooter was a dog who only deserved to be put down. I've also been disturbed by people who point to the amount of premeditation the shooter demonstrated as a reason why he can not be considered mentally ill, as if that would be the only thing that could help them understand what he did. I'm definitely not of the opinion that mental illness excuses actions, or that a diagnosis should be a get-out-of-jail-free card. But regardless of whether or not he has an illness, something in his brain or life malfunctioned to the extent where his actions seemed like a good idea to him. Something made him abnormal. That should make him an object of pity, if not sympathy. And my son, who's only nine, was able to express that pity. Maybe it's just a factor of how innocent and sheltered I try to keep him, but if that's what I have to do to make him a human being, that's what I'll do. And apparently I've been doing something right.