D will kill me for telling this story...

E was outside playing with his friend Squeaks (not his real name, but I like to preserve some semblance of anonymity on this blog, and the kid has a high squeaky/raspy voice, so that's how he shall be dubbed from now on) earlier today when suddenly he came storming inside, slammed the front door, and stomped up the stairs to his bedroom muttering under his breath.  Being a mother, and therefore easily quailed by such tactics, I tentatively called "E?" but received no answer.

When he had cooled down enough to grace the downstairs mortals with his presence again, I asked him if he'd had a disagreement with Squeaks. "Well, yes," he replied, grumpy again, "I got mad at him because I told him that I'd gotten a new haircut today and he didn't even say 'nice haircut'!"

Suffice it to say that I had to try very hard not to laugh.

And D didn't think it was that funny.  Since he's been on the other end of that particular conversation once or twice.

Bookworm

You have no idea how often I still look exactly like this, nose in a book, spoon poised halfway to my mouth.  Cereal almost necessitates a good book.  At least this is a good thing to have run in the family, I suppose.

The Husband and the Wife

An...acquaintance...of mine sent me this the other day, and I laughed so hard reading it that it just had to be shared.  It has been edited very slightly for the sake of certain involved parties, but the spirit of the thing has been preserved.  Enjoy!
   




       ...I set off for Different Town. We decided to eat Chinese... At first I told the Husband to pick up the order, and I would meet him at the B & B [place where we stay when we're in Different Town]. Then I realized that if it were the Husband, HE would have picked up the food on the way in and brought it 'home'. I was merely accustomed to being spoiled as a "lady" and not out and around after dark if I could help it (my thoughtful husband's behest).  So I called him back, said I would pick up the food, chatted with Mrs. Chinese Restaurant Owner and exclaimed over her children (now quite good-looking, both of them), then set off home with a bag of aromatic lo mein, honey chicken and rice and a large [supposedly] Diet Pepsi.  (It turned out to be a Dr. Pepper, fuel on the fire, fuel on the fire.) I arrived to a darkened B & B with sounds of banjo music mixing in with announcer calls most consistent with Fight Night.  I entered the kitchen side, food in hand, and was greeted by my loving husband who had leapt up from his sofa, put down his banjo, and come to relieve me of the food the moment he heard my [dulcet] tones inquiring as to his whereabouts. This is the point at which disaster struck.
      I made Wife Mistakes Numbers 1 and 2: 1)Making assumptions (in this case, making the assumption that he would realize I was hauling in stuff from my car) and 2)Expecting understanding without clarification (in this case, expecting he would realize that just like the other 52 times or so that I've arrived at the B & B I would, indeed, have various gear, food and sundries to haul into the edifice). 
     I returned to the car to pile even more (and heavier) articles into my arms.  I turned around, no husband was in sight. Well, he's just putting the food up a bit slowly, perhaps. I entered the kitchen to be greeted with an almost identical situation: darkness with echoes of banjo music and announcer quips. I proceeded to shuffle my feet somewhat noisily. Ah. Almost instant results. The Man comes out before I've completely traversed the floor to relieve me of my burdens.  "Is there more?" he asks, innocently.  Of course there's more.  I've taken on his tendency to travel with not just clothing, but books, electrical gear, musical instruments and food, as well as anything that strikes my fancy as I glance through the house one last time before setting the alarm (this is when the kitchen sink makes it into the car....). I am now quite perturbed. It's past 8, I'm hungry, thirsty and tired and have more gear to unpack. I turned to make yet another trip to the car.  10 feet became 20, 30 pounds became 60, in my irritation.
     Unfortunately, Mrs. B&B Owner's very carefully timed lights are not timed for darkness. As I stepped out into darkness, I forgot the 1" drop from stoop to driveway, lost my balance, fell onto my right knee and left palm, scraping both. As I writhed in temporary pain, the Husband called out, "Are you all right?"  I writhed a little longer, granted mostly for effect and [righteous] consolation. It was not to be. As I picked myself up, having ascertained I'd received only the most minimal of injuries and even less consolation from my fight-night-distracted husband, I replied in what I thought was a voice laced and dripping with irony, "Oh, I can handle the rest of it by myself."  Remember the Wife Mistakes above? He took me at my word and I ended up hauling in my heavy suitcase by myself. (Never mind that I had earlier hauled it to the car and loaded it myself, a more difficult task. My status as a trophy wife was, at this moment, precarious and endangered!!)  This time when I entered, there was no activity whatsoever in the kitchen. Why should there be? The Husband had served himself and speedily returned to watching his fight. And then he wondered why I was mad the rest of the evening.

To add insult to injury, I went to church the next evening and the readings were too appropriate:
  
 "Wrath and anger are hateful things,
      Yet the sinner hugs them tight."

The only saving grace was that the Husband had gotten called in and wasn't there to nudge me in the ribs....