E's birthday is in a month. Those of you who have ever hosted a child's birthday know that the month before the event is one of great stress, debate and decision, as everyone involved embarks on the Search for the Perfect Birthday Venue.
E's first birthday was at a park, with adults only. Not too thrilling for either adults or birthday boy, but what can you expect, he was one! He couldn't even play on the playground! But he was only one, didn't go to preschool, and didn't have siblings or nearby cousins, so there was no reason to go anywhere else. It was probably the best little kids' birthday party I've ever been to. Mainly because there was only one little kid.
His second birthday was at a Chuck E. Cheese-type place. We had one additional kid to this party, my best friend's 6-year-old sister. And of course, there were all the other children at the "restaurant" to romp and play with. I don't know if you have ever noticed (...how could you not?...) that crying turns into screaming when there are more than a couple children in one enclosed place. Probably because they're vying for the most attention. Like freaking baby birds. They scream when they get excited, they scream when they're hungry, they scream when they don't get their way, they scream when the presents come out, they scream when the presents are put away, they scream when you arrive and they scream when you leave. It's quite exhilarating. I recommend ear plugs.
His third birthday was a blast. We went back to the first park, ordered pizza, played soccer and Frisbee, ran around the playground, and finished with cupcakes. Note: cupcakes make for great pictures, as far as both kids and grown-ups are concerned. There were 3 other kids at this party, and a whole bunch of adults. It was awesome. The weather was kind, the park was clean and the kids were good. Plus, there was no money involved for venue-renting, and we got to stay as long as we wanted.
I'm planning on going to a nearby small town (which we can call N) for the party. Our city (ha, I'm totally tempted to call it O.C.) is rather infamous for its wind, and I'd like to do another outdoor shindig. But the thought of all those napkins and plates and birthday hats blowing away in the breeze fills me with a rabid anti-litterer's horror. N has the perks of less wind and nearness to the great portion of our guest list. And it's less likely to be swamped with other birthday boys and girls on the weekend. All great reasons, in my mind.
Now the only problem is where in N? There's a lovely park, which would be free, but subject to the vagaries of the weather. And there's a lovely kid's style party place, which would be weather-independent, but would cost money out the wazoo. We'll have 4 kids and about 20 adults, which means that I'd basically have to pay for a bunch of grown-ups to play in a maze and ball-pit for 1.5 hours. Because there's a freaking minimum of 8 paying guests per birthday package. Which is ridiculous. I mean, why should they care? If I want to pay the same price for only 6 kids to have a birthday party, wouldn't that be better for them? I've never understood that...Plus, if we did pay for everyone, or at least 8 people (psh, whatever!), we'd all have to eat pizza, because they don't allow outside food (which is another point: when you grow up with picky siblings, you learn about all sorts of establishments' policies toward outside food).
Anyway, the point of this is that I think that we'll be going to the park. Because then I can order grown-up food for the grown-ups and kid food for the kids. I'm all about the grown-up food. I just hope the weather holds, because if not, that's a lot of pizza and not very many ball-pit-goers to pay for. And I'm stingy.
My slightly-insane life and times
3/29/07
3/26/07
I survived my spring break vacation...
but unfortunately, studying for the next test block is taking over my life, which is why this post is going to be short.
E survived his week with his dad and actually came back a day early, which was a welcome surprise! I had a couple of breakdowns, but I survived with much crying on shoulders, etc. I think we'll both be okay.
I went to TX with my parents and siblings and we didn't kill each other, or say "I Hate You" even once, which is an improvement. I don't know why we persist in vacationing together, it's usually more stressful than not being on vacation...
All in all, it was a pretty good week.
E survived his week with his dad and actually came back a day early, which was a welcome surprise! I had a couple of breakdowns, but I survived with much crying on shoulders, etc. I think we'll both be okay.
I went to TX with my parents and siblings and we didn't kill each other, or say "I Hate You" even once, which is an improvement. I don't know why we persist in vacationing together, it's usually more stressful than not being on vacation...
All in all, it was a pretty good week.
3/16/07
Firsts are sometimes hard to bear
This week will be E's first entire week away from me. We've never been apart for more than 3 or 4 days at a time, and he'll be gone for 10 days total, at his biological father's.
In our state, we have carefully developed "guidelines" for what visitation is supposed to be like at every age. But unless a particular judge chooses to use those guidelines, you're screwed, and there is no real recourse. So the temporary visitation schedule allows for every other spring break to be alternated between parents. Fun for kids, right? Wouldn't it be more in the kids' best interests to have long holidays shared (or split) between parents every year? Well, it's not like that because that would be more inconvenient for the parents, I suppose. Those things were taken into consideration when developing the guidelines, but again, the use of said guidelines is subjective.
At least mine has been relatively well protected from the vagaries of the courts until now...But when he asks why he has to go, what do I tell him? I think answers like "Because your daddy loves you, so he needs to see you and spend time with you too" are already growing old. They don't really have manuals on explaining visitation to your preschooler.
So this will be a rather lonely vacation. Motherhood shouldn't have to be this painful.
In our state, we have carefully developed "guidelines" for what visitation is supposed to be like at every age. But unless a particular judge chooses to use those guidelines, you're screwed, and there is no real recourse. So the temporary visitation schedule allows for every other spring break to be alternated between parents. Fun for kids, right? Wouldn't it be more in the kids' best interests to have long holidays shared (or split) between parents every year? Well, it's not like that because that would be more inconvenient for the parents, I suppose. Those things were taken into consideration when developing the guidelines, but again, the use of said guidelines is subjective.
At least mine has been relatively well protected from the vagaries of the courts until now...But when he asks why he has to go, what do I tell him? I think answers like "Because your daddy loves you, so he needs to see you and spend time with you too" are already growing old. They don't really have manuals on explaining visitation to your preschooler.
So this will be a rather lonely vacation. Motherhood shouldn't have to be this painful.
3/13/07
A Healthy Fear of the Written Word
As E's imagination has blossomed, he has conjured up ghosts, witches, haunted trees, haunted houses, monsters, pirates, and every manner of scary things that go bump in the night. The latest product of his child mind is that "scary" books can somehow "hurt" him by being in his room after he goes to sleep. This is despite the fact that scary books are his favorite thing to read during daylight hours, and even right before bed.
Therefore, every night, he warns me ahead of time which books to take with me when I turn off the lights. And every night, he remembers at least 2 more books that I should have taken, and proceeds to march down the hallway to present them to me. This has gone on for at least a month now, and the pattern was pretty easy to discern:
His Disney storybook has a picture of Captain Hook on the cover. He's a pirate. 'Nuff said.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas...the Grinch is pretty creepy before he saves Cindy Lou Who
The Spooky Book...I'll let you guess that one
Bob the Builder Traffic Trouble has Spud the Scarecrow in it. And I'm terrified of that guy.
Meredith's Mixed-Up Magic has witches on the cover
All validly terrifying to a small boy who spends all day reveling in terrifying things, right?
Imagine my surprise when one night I looked up to see him hastily dropping his Catholic Book of Bible Stories on the floor and running hell-bent back to his room...
Therefore, every night, he warns me ahead of time which books to take with me when I turn off the lights. And every night, he remembers at least 2 more books that I should have taken, and proceeds to march down the hallway to present them to me. This has gone on for at least a month now, and the pattern was pretty easy to discern:
His Disney storybook has a picture of Captain Hook on the cover. He's a pirate. 'Nuff said.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas...the Grinch is pretty creepy before he saves Cindy Lou Who
The Spooky Book...I'll let you guess that one
Bob the Builder Traffic Trouble has Spud the Scarecrow in it. And I'm terrified of that guy.
Meredith's Mixed-Up Magic has witches on the cover
All validly terrifying to a small boy who spends all day reveling in terrifying things, right?
Imagine my surprise when one night I looked up to see him hastily dropping his Catholic Book of Bible Stories on the floor and running hell-bent back to his room...
3/7/07
Dr. Mommy
Our preceptor for PCM (ahem, Principles of Clinical Medicine) told us that his mother was 1 of 2 women in her medical school class back in the 50s, and that the dean of the school actually asked her once why she was there, taking up space that could be filled by a real doctor. Someone who wasn't going to get married, have babies, and become a housewife. Times have changed since then. My class (of 160 people, give or take depending on mood...) is about 60% men, 40% women.
But has society has really changed that much? I mean, the same issues that beleagured women professionals in the 50s are still present today! The struggle between the desire to work outside of the home and the desire to be home with your kids is still at the heart of our working class. I wonder about it myself sometimes.
I've never had the luxury of staying home with E all the time, because I've been a student for my entire life. But I don't have the 8 to 5 working hours, and I get lots of vacation time, and when he's sick I don't have to call in to ask for time off. So I wonder how I'll handle it when I do have those restrictions. And how will it be to have babies that I can't spend 4 months with before I have to go back to work? E was born at the end of April, so I had 3 1/2 months off before school started again. That's a lot better than 12 weeks of maternity leave, which is not even guaranteed! And that's another topic entirely...
I know there will be years when I will not be working full-time and I know that I will make career choices based on my kid(s). I knew that going into med school. So I sometimes wonder if I am taking the place of a physician who would work full-time his/her entire life and possibly be more of a contribution to medicine?
My personal conviction is that I will be the best physician possible in the role I have, whether that be part-time, full-time, specialist or primary care. But there will always be questions, and there will never be answers except those that I create for myself.
But has society has really changed that much? I mean, the same issues that beleagured women professionals in the 50s are still present today! The struggle between the desire to work outside of the home and the desire to be home with your kids is still at the heart of our working class. I wonder about it myself sometimes.
I've never had the luxury of staying home with E all the time, because I've been a student for my entire life. But I don't have the 8 to 5 working hours, and I get lots of vacation time, and when he's sick I don't have to call in to ask for time off. So I wonder how I'll handle it when I do have those restrictions. And how will it be to have babies that I can't spend 4 months with before I have to go back to work? E was born at the end of April, so I had 3 1/2 months off before school started again. That's a lot better than 12 weeks of maternity leave, which is not even guaranteed! And that's another topic entirely...
I know there will be years when I will not be working full-time and I know that I will make career choices based on my kid(s). I knew that going into med school. So I sometimes wonder if I am taking the place of a physician who would work full-time his/her entire life and possibly be more of a contribution to medicine?
My personal conviction is that I will be the best physician possible in the role I have, whether that be part-time, full-time, specialist or primary care. But there will always be questions, and there will never be answers except those that I create for myself.
3/5/07
Maternity Leave Visited
No, this is not about the Lost episode. Though that was a relatively good one...This is about actual maternity leave. And about discrepancies across the world as to maternity leave. Now, I myself have never had the need to take maternity leave, as I have never had that sort of a job. But it will probably be an issue in the future, so I take interest in it now.
So, to start with, in 1993 or so, the Family and Medical Leave Act came into being. Basically, under it, employees of covered agencies may receive up to 12 weeks of unpaid parental leave following the birth or adoption of a child. There are rules, like the employee must have been employed full-time for at least 12 months, etc., but it sounds pretty good, right? That's almost 3 months of spending quality time with your infant.
Well, it sounds good until you look at other developed countries around the world, and even some undeveloped countries. Now, I have no idea whether these statistics are perfectly accurate, but whether or not they're entirely correct, they still illustrate a big difference...
For instance, the UK: "Working mothers are given the right to 26 weeks of paid leave for each child, 6 weeks at 90% of full pay and 20 weeks at a fixed amount. Women who were employed prior to the commencement of their pregnancy are entitled to an additional 26 weeks unpaid leave. After 1st April 2007, the rules change. All female employees will be entitled to 52 weeks of maternity leave. 39 weeks of this leave is paid, with the first six weeks paid at 90% of full pay and the remainder at a fixed rate." ~Wikipedia
Ahem. Nice, huh? But that was an instance of average leave on Wikipedia. For an example of "generous" policies, we turn to Sweden: "All working parents are entitled to 18 months' paid leave per child, the cost being shared between employer and State. To encourage greater paternal involvement in child-rearing, a minimum of 3 months out of the 18 is required to be used by the "minority" parent, in practice usually the father."
Wow. Just...wow. 18 months? That's past sitting up, eating solid foods, crawling, walking, and sometimes talking. Think of all the milestones you could be there to witness, knowing that your job will be waiting for you when you get back. Amazing.
Bulgaria (yes, Bulgaria, of all places) has set a wonderful example with one part of their policy: "...providing mothers with 45 days 100% paid sick leave prior to the due date, 2 years paid leave, and 1 additional year of unpaid leave. The employeer is obliged to restore the mother to the same position upon return to work. In addition, pregnant women and single mothers cannot be fired." What? Pregnant women and single mothers can't be fired? That is ridiculously unheard of in our enlightened little country of America. How sad.
Even in Cuba (what, Cuba? No way...), Wikipedia reports a maternity leave of 18 weeks at 100% pay, and that legislation has recently been extended to paternity leave.
Now, I'm not saying that these systems will necessarily work in the US. Lord knows the government alone has the capability to mess up legislation for such, not to mention employers and employees alike. But I do think there is a very large chasm between what is typical in other countries and what is typical here. And why is that? I think it bears some examination of what we value in this country, and some exploration as to how our society views parenthood.
And maybe a move to Bulgaria...
So, to start with, in 1993 or so, the Family and Medical Leave Act came into being. Basically, under it, employees of covered agencies may receive up to 12 weeks of unpaid parental leave following the birth or adoption of a child. There are rules, like the employee must have been employed full-time for at least 12 months, etc., but it sounds pretty good, right? That's almost 3 months of spending quality time with your infant.
Well, it sounds good until you look at other developed countries around the world, and even some undeveloped countries. Now, I have no idea whether these statistics are perfectly accurate, but whether or not they're entirely correct, they still illustrate a big difference...
For instance, the UK: "Working mothers are given the right to 26 weeks of paid leave for each child, 6 weeks at 90% of full pay and 20 weeks at a fixed amount. Women who were employed prior to the commencement of their pregnancy are entitled to an additional 26 weeks unpaid leave. After 1st April 2007, the rules change. All female employees will be entitled to 52 weeks of maternity leave. 39 weeks of this leave is paid, with the first six weeks paid at 90% of full pay and the remainder at a fixed rate." ~Wikipedia
Ahem. Nice, huh? But that was an instance of average leave on Wikipedia. For an example of "generous" policies, we turn to Sweden: "All working parents are entitled to 18 months' paid leave per child, the cost being shared between employer and State. To encourage greater paternal involvement in child-rearing, a minimum of 3 months out of the 18 is required to be used by the "minority" parent, in practice usually the father."
Wow. Just...wow. 18 months? That's past sitting up, eating solid foods, crawling, walking, and sometimes talking. Think of all the milestones you could be there to witness, knowing that your job will be waiting for you when you get back. Amazing.
Bulgaria (yes, Bulgaria, of all places) has set a wonderful example with one part of their policy: "...providing mothers with 45 days 100% paid sick leave prior to the due date, 2 years paid leave, and 1 additional year of unpaid leave. The employeer is obliged to restore the mother to the same position upon return to work. In addition, pregnant women and single mothers cannot be fired." What? Pregnant women and single mothers can't be fired? That is ridiculously unheard of in our enlightened little country of America. How sad.
Even in Cuba (what, Cuba? No way...), Wikipedia reports a maternity leave of 18 weeks at 100% pay, and that legislation has recently been extended to paternity leave.
Now, I'm not saying that these systems will necessarily work in the US. Lord knows the government alone has the capability to mess up legislation for such, not to mention employers and employees alike. But I do think there is a very large chasm between what is typical in other countries and what is typical here. And why is that? I think it bears some examination of what we value in this country, and some exploration as to how our society views parenthood.
And maybe a move to Bulgaria...
3/2/07
The Things He Says
I know, I know, kids say the darnedest things. But I think that mine has an overabundance of such items stored up, just begging to be aired on the world wide web. I need to just break down and have a daily quote by him. He has enough of them, that's for sure...
"How's your daily gas ration?"
"She just likes me for my body"
When asked why he was making angry faces at me in the rear view mirror: "Because that's what cars do when they're racing!"
~inspired by the movie "Cars"
Me: "E, do you need some more chocolate milk?"
E: "Yes. But I wanna ask for it."
To the waitress: "Um, can I have a root beer?"
"I have stories in my heart."
"I don't like that lady calling me a cutie pie!"
To me: "You're my princess."
Baba: "E, stop tattletaling."
E: "I don't got a TAIL!"
"I like to move it, move it!"
"Ha! I doubt it."
"Your mom's a slugbug."
"Mom, I've lost my mojo."
"I'm a working man."
After being told he needed to take some quiet time with Poppa: "Can we have a quiet war?"
My current fave:
Me: "You're a silly bucket."
E: "A bucket of love."
"How's your daily gas ration?"
"She just likes me for my body"
When asked why he was making angry faces at me in the rear view mirror: "Because that's what cars do when they're racing!"
~inspired by the movie "Cars"
Me: "E, do you need some more chocolate milk?"
E: "Yes. But I wanna ask for it."
To the waitress: "Um, can I have a root beer?"
"I have stories in my heart."
"I don't like that lady calling me a cutie pie!"
To me: "You're my princess."
Baba: "E, stop tattletaling."
E: "I don't got a TAIL!"
"I like to move it, move it!"
"Ha! I doubt it."
"Your mom's a slugbug."
"Mom, I've lost my mojo."
"I'm a working man."
After being told he needed to take some quiet time with Poppa: "Can we have a quiet war?"
My current fave:
Me: "You're a silly bucket."
E: "A bucket of love."
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